Optimus Prime Time

Here at The Almost Cricketer we like to think of ourselves as the Optimus Prime of cricket pundits and with that in mind boldly predicted that the Indians would leave SA with their tale behind their legs. We forecast, many bruised ribs (not to mention egos) for the Indian batsman. Weather permitting our crystal ball saw a fairly comfortable whitewash.

After all this was a team who couldn’t bat on bouncy seaming wickets, a team who couldn’t possibly deal with the threat of messieurs Steyn, Morkel, Tsotsi and just about any other seamer that the Saffers had to offer.

A team that surely could not trouble the mighty Protea top 6 in their back yard, we couldn’t expect Zaheer, Sreesanth, Unadkat, Sharma and Bhaji to trouble a batting line up that included Smith the Smiter, Hash “the run machine” Amla, King Kallis, Ab the precocious and Prince the Perseverer.

After the Proteas resounding victory in the first test The Almost Cricket felt the force of our Prime like visions coming to life, we sat back smugly getting ready to pull out the “I told you so’s”.

On to Kingsmead and all seemed to be following the script, Steyn had another 5er India scrapped 200. Until the Turbanator decided to pick up 4 quick wickets in the Proteas first innings, VVS decided to join the party by playing one of “those special” innings. Combine this with the collective failings of the Smiter, the run machine, King Kallis, the precocious one and the perseverer. India had just done the unthinkable winning a test at the old green mamba.

We were on to Newlands and all would be secured, this being the fortress of South African cricket. A ground on which only one foe has been victorious over the democratic years. The Proteas were put into bat in bowling conditions and made a solid 362 however at a massive cost. Kallis injured himself in the innings and was unable to bowl in match. Ultimately the Proteas inability to dimiss the Indians in the second innings cost them the victory. A bowler down in Kallis combined with Harris who decided to chuck pies on a wearing day 5 pitch. The very same pitch which the Turbanator wreaked havoc on the day before! A 1-1 draw left our crystal ball shattered, nonetheless the Indians were deserved of their hard fought draw.

After the Proteas mediocre performances a bit of introspection is needed, and even though our crystal ball has just let us down, we have decided to make a few more predictions:

We are fairly confident that Paul “the pie chucker” Harris has played his last test....it was apparent that if we had a half decent spinner we would have comfortably won the series. With Imran Tahirs recent citizenship we have a ready made successor.

Boucher’s days are probably number as well, it won’t surprise us if he has also played his last test. When you look at a few of his more distinguished peers like Dhoni, Prior and Haddin, they all average 40+ in test cricket, at least 10 more than Bouch. The gap is ever widening as Bouch’s prowess with the bat continues to diminish, 35 may just be the age for Bouch to move on.

Prince may be a little unlucky to get the chop but JP is the future and offers a useful spin option as well.

Petersen is the other weak link in the line up. There are just not many other openers putting their hands up in domestic cricket scene. The Saffers have a wealth of talent from 3-6 but there seems to be a problem at the top.

Without further ado here is The Almost Cricketers Test 11:

Graeme Smith

Alviro Peterson (only barely survives as there is no viable replacement)

Hashim Amla

Jacque Kallis

Ab de Villiers

Jp Duminy

Heino Khun (Without a doubt, the best batsman/keeper in the country, Smit from the Dolphins may be the best glovemen but his batting needs a lot of work.)

Dale Steyn

Morne Morkel

Imran Tahir (the saviour)

Lenwabo Tsotsobe (His control and movement really impressed us during the latter part of the series however he still needs to gain 5-10km in the off season to become the finished article)

Till the next time,

Keep it real

Bonus ODI content

The Almost Cricketers WC 11

Graeme Smith

Hashim Amla

Jacque Kallis

Ab de Villiers

Jp Duminy

Albie Morkel (Albie gets our vote at 6 as his a proven match winner in Indian conditions, he is devastating against spin which will be useful in the sub continent. He also provides a good death bowling option)

Johan Botha

Dale Steyn

Morne Morkel

Imran Tahir (Saviour)

Lenwabo Tsotsobe

Amla the infallible

After winning the first test in Nagpur emphatically, any cricket fan would have had good reason to believe that the Proteas had more than enough ammunition to gun down the Indians on the hallowed turf that is Eden Gardens.

There was however speculation of a rake being taken to the pitch in a desperate bid to provide a result. This was a very real concern for the boys in green because fresh in their memory was the minefield that was prepared for the Kanpur test during 2008. (incidentally SA also led that series 1-0)

Before the start of the Kolkata test the groundsman insisted that this would not be the case. He promised a fair wicket that would provide 5 days of entertainment, however many people were less than convinced.

When the first test got under way. all these fears were allayed as we were treated to a pitch that if anything looked like it had a bit in it for the quicks. There was a smattering of green grass on the wicket (which in India is as rare as a JP hundred).

The Indian seamers got the ball to misbehave a touch during the morning session and Biff left the gate open as is customary against Zaheer. After the initial movement during the session it turned out that the pitch was as flat as Prince's average during the series. Amla and Peterson motored SA to 218-1 before the batting line up found time to commit Seppuku (I believe Ab was behind it, he seems like the type who is into anime)

The Indians proceeded to bat with the freedom and ease that eluded the South Africans, in fact they pillaged and plundered. Not even the demigod abilities of Dale Steyn could prevent the mammoth total.

Once again the Proteas found themselves in a position in which defeat seemed inevitable but memories of Lords and Melbourne 08 sprung to mind. Could the Saffers do it again? This after all is a very powerful batting line up and the batting conditions were at worst, easy. It was not to be...

Amla almost saved the test single handedly, his flawless effort was sadly not enough as the rest of his top order colleagues decided to continue their love affair with the newly discovered Seppuku. Amla admitted after the match that there was nothing in the pitch (perhaps alluding to the fact that his batting colleagues were woeful) It is unjust that a heroic effort such as his ended up on the losing side.

Stats tell a tale

Serious questions need to be asked about the South African batting line up, which on paper looks very good, however the stats of the 2 tests tell a grim story.

Smith, Prince, Duminy, Boucher and Ab played a combined 13 innings and scraped together 176 runs at a dismal average of 13.53. Serious introspection is necessary with the odis around the corner!

Another interesting stat from Kolkata is that every player who passed 30 went on to score a century showing how easy it was to bat on once you 'got in'

I have arrived!

Wow a blogger, is this really me?

Spelling and Grammer have never been my forte, naturally it stands to reason that writing isn't as well. If this is true, then what on earth possessed me to start this most intrepid adventure of cricket blogging?

Well its fairly simple, Malcolm Marshall (http://www.cricinfo.com/ci/content/player/52419.html).




It was around 1993 (what would prove an extremely significant moment in my life) and I made my first trip to the glorious Kingsmead Cricket Ground for a day/night game nonetheless. I was initially full of excitement, however upon arrival I realized that this was no international game nor was it a provincial contest, this was merely the final of a limited overs club tournament. This meant a near empty stadium, no cameras and certainley no fanfare to speak of. I recall sitting through the first innings and feeling a sense of (dare i say it) boredom, I thought to myself why on earth would anyone bring me to a game with a bunch of no name cricketers (at the time my player knowledge probably spanned 3 proteas).

All of a sudden the change of innings is upon us and a fairly short black man takes the new ball and readies himself, this was unfolding infront of where I was seated at the Umgeni Road end. This in itself was strange, if you think its a rare sight to see a black fast bowler today imagine 1993, yes it was almost unheard of.

What I witnessed in the next 2 hours can only be described as awe inspiring, it is impossible for me to go into detail as words would do no justice. Marshall proceeded to single handedly decimate that batting line up, an image that is ingrained in my mind to this day is that of the luminous orange stumps being violently uprooted time and again on that fateful night. A night in which 9 year old me became enchanted with the beautiful game that is cricket, it is a love affair that has only grown deeper and stronger through the years. It is for this reason that I have decided to try and engratiate you with the game that I love by sharing my thoughts and insights.

Thank you, Malcolm Marshall.